The End Of Another Decade

Well… friends… family, here we are again!

As we begin to come to a closing of yet another year and another decade, let’s reflect… shall we?

I certainly partake in the habit of examination quite more frequently than solely at the beginning and ending of each year, but now feels like an relevant time to proclaim my thoughts on the past 365 days outwardly. Before sitting to jot this down, I reviewed my post from last year (Cheers, 2018.) I thought it might be enjoyable to review a few of those points I made and take a look at how I brought them to life following the reflective moments a year ago.

At the end of 2018, I wrote:

More is not always the answer.

Ziggy will argue that I am a minimalist fraud BUT in my defense, my ability to bounce from perspective to perspective merely presents an eternal battle between cravings and necessities that he observes far too often. I say this, because innately I am attracted to less (of basically anything) as it pertains to quantity and more as it pertains to quality. I would be gloriously satisfied with a capsule wardrobe of, say, 30 pieces that hold exceptional and ethical quality rather than an abundance of options. Quite honestly, I become overwhelmed when my options are plentiful. I can relate this to food, as well. In past years, I’ve struggled with eating in excess for means of comfort, or binge eating during emotionally rocky points in life and to combat this over the past year I have worked incredibly hard as the cessation of these habits by slowing down during any moment of consumption and become mindful of what is entering my body. Also related, about a month ago, I gave up red meat and chicken, adapting a Pescatarian lifestyle - which I adore and is treating my body wonderfully. I find myself much more inclined to opt for a well prepared, smaller meal rather than gorging on previously beloved comfort foods. To continue, financial health can be under this concept, tenfold. I have learned over the year that it is not about having more money, but rather doing more with the money you already have. I have also come to the realization that more money is never the answer to happiness or true fulfillment and certainly not the answer.

Protect your peace.  

Ah, this. So much, this. Protect your peace. Over this past year, I fully sank (and continue to sink) into the notion that everything and anything, out of your own control is purely that; out of your own control. The behaviors of others, the words of others, the beliefs of others have NOTHING to do with you and have everything to do with the individual. We are on our own journeys. Protect our peace means becoming untouchable by guarding our energy with strength and patience. We must become accountable for how we live our lives. We must understand that we are in control of how we feel, how we respond and how we act. I have worked this muscle for the entirety of this past year and it will be something I groom in perpetuity.

You must be in love with the work.  

Yes, Kelly from a year ago! Yes! This statement could not be more undeniably relevant at this point in time. Throughout 2019, I practiced ruthless and brutal honesty with myself. I dug into my life in all of its corners and evaluated what was happening in my career. For anyone that doesn’t know me personally, I have been in the space of Retail Leadership and Store Management for about 8 years. Retail is all I have ever truly know, in a full-time and full-commitment sense. As I started the journey of reevaluating my career path, I began to understand that I needed to take a step back. Writing is my craft, my art and my true passion. I had followed the rules and a straight line for most of my life until now. This is not to say Retail is an abomination, it most certainly isn’t. I’ve met magical, empowering individuals through the scene and I have grown into who I am because of it and because of them. Nonetheless, I was becoming worn down, worn out and something was lost. I was lost and as was my passion for the retail world, for the work and for the path I was on. At the beginning of December, 2019 I decided to take a monstrous leap of faith into wildly unknown waters. I quit Retail and I started to write full-time. Why you may ask? Because - YOU MUST BE IN LOVE WITH THE WORK.

Each of these points continue to ring true as we enter into another beginning and a few more come to mind. While taking my previous words into 2020, I’d like to mention a few others after evolving a bit deeper.

• You have 1 body. Groom often. Fuel it well. Work it hard. Rest it properly and love it unconditionally.

• Hire experts to take care of things that you don’t have the energy to take care of. Pay them well and if you can’t afford to, muster the energy and take care of it yourself.

• Convenience is a service. invest in it if you are seeking to gain more time in life.

• Control your emotions. Don’t neglect, or suppress them… just control them.

• Buy less. Spend less. You have everything you need.

• Reduce your carbon footprint - the smallest of changes make the biggest impact and EFFORT here is the key.

  • (This year I’ve purchased metal straws that I use consistently, let go of plastic water bottles 100% by investing in a great reusable one, try my best to avoid plastic bags for groceries at all costs and purchased a high-quality safety razor.)

• Knowledge is power. Read. Learn. Repeat.

• Understand that not everything requires a response. Choose your battles and choose very few of them. You’ll be happier, I promise and it doesn’t make you a pushover - it makes you in control.

• Learn to meditate. If your response here is some rendition of … “My mind is too active to meditate,” then definitely learn to meditate.

• Honor your space and design your Home into a sanctuary to harvest rest, creativity and gratitude.

• If it scares you, do it. Be safe - but do it.

New Year’s resolutions are not my thing. Resetting intentions however, are definitely my thing and I encourage this at any time of year. We are ever evolving, ever learning and must remain flexible to adjust our sails after each new wind.

I am wishing you light, love and the bravery to chase your deepest desires. Remain open and ready for change.

See you in 2020. Cheers!

A Change In Brew

I am a natural lark. The mornings bring about the most elevated version of myself as my productivity spikes while simultaneously inducing a meditative state. My creativity peaks during this time and my mood (from a wholesome perspective) is at its finest. I will routinely opt for an earlier night in, to allow for an earlier wake up call; the earlier I wake up, the more in control and ultimately fulfilled I feel. I tend to wake up between the hours of 7:00 am - 7:30 am comfortably and upon waking, recognize a hyper-sensitivity to my surroundings while I mentally sift through the components of my day. Fueling this process, is the catalyst for all morning wonder; coffee.

Like upwards of 99% of all humanity, I share an affinity for coffee. I prefer light roast, as my tolerance for caffeine is quite high and I rather enjoy experiencing the particular coffee bean to its fullest flavor. Ziggy and I have been toying with different origins to experiment with and our most recent is a bean from Peru that he picked up at one of our local joints, Empire Coffee in Hoboken, NJ. We grind our own beans with an amateur, one-setting grinder (soon to be replaced by one with greater depth of complexity) and both have a well groomed devotion to the substance. As of lately, we have switched our daily brewing method from the conventional (yet lackluster) coffee pot, to a pour-over method of brewing with our new Chemex.

Pour-over begins, most simply, with freshly ground coffee that is compiled nicely into a filter which sits on a holder/glass jar (often called a ‘pour-over dripper’.) Hot water is poured directly onto the grounds, where it then moves through to produce extractions of coffee flavors below into the serving vessel. It’s rather easy to use. Ziggy and I have found that 500 ml of water to 50 grams of grounds works well for us, but we certainly alter this equation should we fancy a stronger/weaker cup or if we happen to be brewing a large quantity. After bringing the water to a boil and dosing the grounds into the filter, there are a few things to be mindful of. The first step is a real treat; as a small amount of hot water is initially poured over the grounds to allow for blooming to occur; a quick bubble and release of carbon dioxide from the beans that enhances the flavor of the coffee (let this do its thing for 30 seconds.) Carbon dioxide will release for about 2 weeks after the beans have been roasted., so this is a great testament to the freshness of the roast. Afterwards, begin to pour another time to saturate the entirety of the grounds. Pour in a circular motion, beginning from the outside and working your way towards the center. Don’t fill the filter too closely to the rim with water and allow ample time for the extraction to take place. Continue this as your work your way through the remainder of the water. Once complete, remove the filter, serve into the drinking vessel of your choice and enjoy. Ziggy takes his coffee black, with two sugars. I prefer black - or with a splash of almond milk and usually over ice.

Pour-over coffee requires a bit more attention than switching on a coffee pot and going about your business - which is exactly why I am infatuated with it. For something as beautiful as a cup of coffee, most mornings don’t provide it the love it deserves. This method of brewing has encouraged I slow down… I tune in and I remember to remain aware. While productivity lines my mornings naturally, as stated before, as does mindfulness. Coffee, especially in the United Sates is served to the population as a necessary component of maintaining a fast momentum BUT there are endless alternative and cultural aspects of coffee, preaching an opposing message of serenity and stillness that are still very much alive. Coffee can be an after dinner night-cap. It can be the essence of bringing individuals together, or a beautiful independent moment. It resembles absolute, pure joy, especially when prepared with time and care.

When I use my Chemex, I have to be present. I notice the weight of the grounds, the volume of the water and what unfolds during each stage of the brewing process. My hands are in the creation… I am wide eyed in participation and I am in control. Not only am I focused on brewing a good cup of coffee, but I am smelling the aromas as they waft through the open filter and into the air… I am hearing the slow drip from the water moving through the grounds and bouncing onto the glass beneath… I am feeling the steam gently soften my chin as my eagerness leans over the top looking in to watch the magic and every part of me is in the process.

I am orchestrating a symphony.

You're An Old Soul, Aren't You?

I work in retail, in the center of Soho Manhattan on one of the busiest blocks. The store I manage is high volume, fast paced and carries peaked energy from open to close. With that being said, the conversations I have with individuals vary from mildly normal to off the charts abstract (I mean, this is New York City) and I relish the genuine interactions over transaction small talk. Every now and then, a situation or certain engagement will stay with my thoughts, for whatever the reason and the one I had a few days ago hasn’t left the forefront of my mind…

While multitasking my way through some mid-afternoon, I began to talk with one particular man. He was purchasing a few things, irrelevant to the calm nature of the conversation separating this encounter from the rest. This man’s presence was incredibly gentle but left an impact simultaneously. Among the busy shoppers around him, he spoke to me slowly and with grace.

As I processed the things he was purchasing, he looked at me and said “You have a sparkle in your eye. That’s nice to see. Try not to lose that. Most people do.” Now, being the ‘need to know more’ individual that I am I took a second to analyze what was in front of me. The first thing I felt was pure relief from my basic instinct (which was 100% accurate) that this person had no other motive other than to genuinely pass on a message to me. There was no flirtatious behavior, or underlying tone that would have cause my defense to build. That alone was a breath of fresh air and allowed for my fuller attention. I looked back at the man (he had a strong accent which I later discovered was derived from a part of India) and his face was long, filled with solace and quite comforting to look at. He noticed that I was downloading what he had said, so he continued with “You are an old soul, aren’t you?”

I am, tenfold. I shook my head, agreeing back at him and he smiled. This man began to explain that he was in the United States studying with a Spiritual Guide, or Guru (if you will) who was leading him throughout a journey to become a Master of the study of energy and enabling people to step into deeper states of consciousness and awareness. He told me that he could feel my energy; the strength of it and the good of it.

As a person who feels and experiences the emotions of the World, I say confidently that my ‘bullshit radar’ is pretty fine tuned and during this few minute moment, no senses were tingling… the radar was silent.

Have you ever had an encounter that you felt in your bones to have been purposely placed? I am a firm believer in this concept. I do not fall into a category of organized religion (I oppose this actually… which we will talk about later) but I am a Spiritual being as in I believe in oneness, I believe in the power of the Universe and I believe that we are on a path of accepting or ignoring curated encounters. I trust that the energy I exude will return to me. I trust in the power of attraction and that projecting positivity brings forth an abundance in return. The point of me explaining this, is to amplify this message; in between routine, lurking behind each hour, is a plan, a purpose and wisdom waiting to be heard. It is our responsibility to listen. Things (conversations, people, events) happen at certain times with intention. These past few weeks I have been in a mental state of uncertainty; trying to establish a clear direction to head and how to hold onto my creative self but I have held onto trust. This serendipitous message came at the perfect time. It was well received. While we are traveling, learning, evolving… we must not lose the sparkle in our eyes that remains fixated on the light. Thank you, to this traveler that reminded me of that. 

8 something PM

I’ve sage-d the apartment; my heart and soul of a cat and her male, audacious companion (claimed by my roommate) have been staring into corners lately, evoking an uneasy yet truthfully unbothered personal wonder of what else (or who else) lurks within our space. Perhaps nothing, perhaps everything… such is life. There are empty mason jars scattered around my shoulders, having once been filled with water, craft beer and Cafe Modelo’s Espresso Dark Roast (certainly depending on the time of day) to which I find poetic and filled with purpose, although currently empty. My wet nails, freshly coated with a lustful yet poised crimson red leaves faint but visible trails on my white keyboard protruding a lack of patience and the scent of this afternoon’s tequila soaked outing oozes from my parted lips to meet the Glass Animal induced rhythm coaxed through my speakers, soothing my current ambiance of existence. I am calm and comfortable, although a slight crick in my neck aches as I lean against the multi colored couch cushion behind me... adjusting every so often with hopes I soon slide into an evergreen state of lounging glory. Filling my focus are ideas of new jewelry designs, financial burdens and the scent of my boyfriend that grazes my hair. Perhaps chocolate, as well.

I am all of who I am at this moment; sensitive enough to notice the breeze of cool February air skimming the skin on my arms by means of the cracked living room window while all the while, feeling as vast as the ocean’s capacity of macro-image movement and as specific as its surface salt water froth. My breasts feel tender, my newly pierced nose aches truthful self expression into the forefront of my face and I question if I’ll ever write anything interesting enough for anyone to inquire about or intentionally pick up to meander over. There are multiple tabs open on my computer and even more open in my brain. Strands of decorative, ornamental lights line the ceiling of which I stare up to and my cat (the ‘psychedelic-spiritual-visual-medium-ghost-seeing’ one I mentioned before) has just leaped onto the coffee table below my sunken soles to join the contents of my environmental, explanatory prose with a quite enjoyable interruption.

I am here; seeping into a pile of observatory points and rubbing the cool skin of my moisturized feet onto one another with appreciation for the relationship I have with myself. I am currently looking forward to tomorrow morning’s solitude and the transition of consciousness to slumber; all with expectations of vivid dreams that leave lingers of inspiration for a colorful start, come 6:00 AM.  

That’s all, for now.

Creators

Certain individuals are born carrying minds as vivid as the blues swimming through the ocean’s waves and with thoughts as fine as thin blades of grass. They are guided by eyes as wide as the outstretched branches covering the Earth and the images that float around inside of their souls bounce from one side of the human vessel to the other, catapulting sequential rhythms of electrical impulses that ache to be released. 

These individuals, are the Creators; born dancing inside of a sphere that guards an imagination the world has deemed only fitting for childish dreams, where colored sounds dangle like leaves and the wild unlocks to run free.

The Creators feel certain motions from an early age, like scattered pieces of sounds that sing under the skin. The presence of the sounds serve as a catalyst for the individual to begin experimenting with the outside World in search of a home for the noises that weave between their body and soul.   

 While young, the Creators are the outsiders, the outliers and those often found moseying through reality, losing track of time with wandering ideas that float from cloud to cloud as their visions begin to expand. The Creators are natural leaders, as what they will go on to bring into the World has not yet been conveyed by the masses. They find, with a magnetic and compelling pull, a sanctuary in the craft of creating visual, auditory or written expressions that stimulate the senses to incredible depths. These creations depict the details of what they are witnessing behind the walls of their eyelids... allowing those on the outside to delve into the inner workings of the Creator, experiencing what courses through their veins. 

 For the Creators, transforming ideas into works of art is an irrevocable component of who they are; visions are constantly taking shape and the wheel is always spinning. Inspiration lurks in what is commonly unseen, it covers the floors and it oozes out from the cracks in the sidewalks. The creation process occurs as naturally as their instinct to breathe and as they exhale, so does their magic. Creators understand that nothing is merely as it appears to be. They work with depth and with an eagerness to connect meaning to a surface, awakening those not yet aware to acknowledge the presence of layers, the presence of purpose. The insight that their work illuminates, showers a melodic unity that reminds us that we are moving as One. Slow down and feel the connection we all share. 

 The beauty in this World is abundant… we, the Creators, will show you.

An Ode To "The War Of Art" by Steven Pressfield

After reading The War of Art by Steven Pressfield (of which I HIGHLY recommend to any and all creators) wisdom that, I had no prior words for came flooding over me like a rainstorm bestowed upon a dry desert. Pressfield examines Resistance; anything that prevents us from sitting down and doing our work, our craft. Resistance is “invisible, internal, insidious, impersonal, universal and fueled by fear.” It is felt and not seen, depicted in the people around us, manifested in procrastination, sex and victim-hood. Anyone who has ever felt unsatisfied, unhappiness or grave boredom in life has experienced Resistance due to an unwillingness to follow our truth of work for whatever the reason may be of that day. The book continues to divulge into the self proclaimed and life altering obstacles we all encounter and continues to decipher what distinguishes an ‘amateur’ from a ‘professional’ of any particular field. All in all, this book is pure gold and a swift kick in the ass that sheds blinding light on the real reasons why we Resist working on our thing.

What I have concluded by means of the beautiful catalyst that was The War of Art, is that for the majority of my life I have succumb to Resistance and overcoming its power will be a daily journey, to which I fully accept the endeavor of. As I sit in Hoboken’s little piece of coffee shop magic that is Bwe on Washington (thank you, Andy) my fingers dance across the keyboard with newfound realization in the simplicity of creation, so to speak; just sit down and create. I have, for the past 26 years, been an artist as I believe that I (and those alike) entered this world with creativity in some capacity spinning like disco balls around our inner workings that would later become more understandable. I have only magnetized toward the personal truth of Writing living as my particular craft within the past 10 or so years but I have always been an artist nonetheless. It runs through my blood as an intangible itch of needing to express myself, as most others in the sphere can resonate with.

When I first stepped into Writing and discovered my truth within it, I fumbled around for a few years attempting to uncover and develop the components of our relationship. As an umbrella concept, details aside, I identify as a Writer merely because of my loyalty to the craft. I am not such because I drink black coffee, or wear dark colored turtlenecks. I am not a writer because I prefer solitude over crowded bars, or marvel in the depth of Indie flicks and feel lustful shivers when certain words roll off tongues. I am not a writer because I enjoy a lipstick lined cigarette every now and again, or lock myself away from the World to indulge in fantasies; all of the cliche norms one can muster.

I am a writer because I sit down, I write and when I do … there is a magnificent force of lightheartedness that I feel (which I have now identified as overcoming Resistance) that indubitably fuels the energy to my life. When I allow the slithering snake of Resistance to win, I become bothered, irritable and unfocused. These things commonly manifest in my life as jealousy, cravings for sweets, picking apart my imperfections, impulsive cell-phone use and developing a quick fuse towards those around me with the only true healer to be clear to me, at this point; I am my whole self when I live my truth. I am the best friend, girlfriend, daughter and leader when I remain connected and consistent to my work so dammit, Pressfield, work I will!

Work & Play

I’ve never been keen on rules.

I find adhering to the structured, mass regulations of the playbook that society has created to be rigid and cumbersome, restricting the free-flowing authenticity rearing its head into the forefront of my conscience. I have found, however, as I have aged both gracefully in some aspects and not at all in others that certain guidelines are best not avenged upon; paying bills on time, idolizing punctuality and prioritizing hydration to name a few. When it comes to a career and professional environment - where is the line between living one’s truth and conforming to a predetermined norm, or as the industry calls, maintaining brand integrity? Are we, the rebels of modern day, responsible for causing a pivotal shift to conjoin the gap that has been created over the modest years still lurking between certain work and play? Or, is living with authenticity in our careers under our control as merely a choice in our professional environments?

Coming as we are has become much more of a non-negotiable for strong and wide minded individuals. The general World has picked up the pace magnificently to match our stride, as far as socially acceptable accessories and lifestyles are concerned, but has the workplace followed suit? Tattoos, for example, have been commonly recognized by conservative companies as ‘out of office’ components to an employees attire… causing controversial banter arguing appearance having little to do with determining skill and although no federal law prohibits employers to make hiring decisions based on the presence of tattoos, an unspoken awareness outlines that those on an applicant could disrupt the chances of an offering from a company. Unnatural hair colors, visible piercings and unruly (yet maintained) beards often join this list of expressions not always fitting for industries veering on a more conservative cusp. So what does this mean for us?

Finding ourselves already coexisting within a place of employment whose views are not in line with our own, or whose policies/regulations stray from those we may exude naturally (i.e tattoos) could very well lead to a double-life conundrum that nourishes an internal battle between our professional and personal selves. This feeling of secrecy; keeping parts of who we are at bay in order to maintain a stable job, promotes a restriction against the marriage of our life’s components cohesively as one unit and instead creates a division. Is our job worth suppressing our individuality? Are different avenues around the corner that support our way of living with our professional success?

From a company’s perspective, just as we have the right to bare our tattooed arms, they have the right to uphold a brand image. As long as the company breaks no laws of discrimination towards race, religion or sex, the image of the company is in the hands of the owners/leaders. It would be a double standard for us to declare a brand to support our freedom while we prohibit their own.

As the World continues to expand and perspectives grow day by day, those like-minded will follow the trend of joining companies with style policies as open as our viewpoints, but for now, perhaps we take away a simple understanding of control; grooming our decisions (from our job to our next piece of art) to align with our lifestyle is crucial to living wholly - and live wholly, we must.

Invite The Chaos

First, you’ll begin to feel a need for it; you’ll feel off balanced. You’ll develop resistance towards what may have been an ‘everyday’ occurrence that has reaped normalcy in the past but at this moment feels unshakably troublesome. You’ll become short tempered, not necessarily in an outward manner but internally with your own thoughts… you’ll quicken your silent mental pivots in search of comfort. You may find yourself seeking stimulation elsewhere or more so than before - these experiences while happening together and more frequent, will feel like developing the flu… slowly and then all at once. The necessity of change rears its head into the spotlight once a situation, environment, job or relationship no longer rides cohesively down the journey your life is continuing upon. Perhaps things are about to take a sharp left, something radical is around the corner, or a learning is being digested and growth is taking place. Whatever the cause may be, recognizing the need for change will be an undeniable aspect of the equation… as long as we are aware.

Once the need is recognized, reorganization begins to hold captive most of the mental energy you have. The solution or details might not be present at first, so you’ll sit on the notion that change is necessary but with no further understanding yet. Now, you must dig within.

• Your work… do you love your work? Is a new job on the horizon; one more fulfilling, one more authentic to your passions?

• Is it a lack of growth, of progression … is a promotion what’s next? Have you been feeling stifled or stagnant with no sight of expanding? Are you burdened financially?

• What about outside of work … are your habits what need changing? Are you active?

• Do you feel personal excitement to have dwindled? What colors your space?

• What about time? Do you desire to gain more control over time?

• Your relationships … are they needing adjusting, are you unhappy? Is there lack of communication… has the love gone? Have you lost your sense of self?

Be mindful of the head spinning repercussion of delving into this dig and trust that it will dissipate and truth will unveil. The decision making, the second component of change, is where heat will begin to kick in and the message of inviting the chaos begins to take center stage. Here is where we must push through our emotional discomfort and truly listen to what our core is telling us. Lean into the uneasiness. Where exactly is the change needed? Often, we scramble to come up with a well structured plan that may sound fitting on paper but does not represent the truth of this entire process; a plan that could be a quick fix, but will not resolve anything long term. This is where we must quiet our thoughts; let go of what society has trained us to believe to be the ‘next’ move for our age, our culture, our history… let go of peer influence, family advice and of the pressure media has constricted upon you and just listen.

• What do you want to see happen?

• What behavior or component is missing that would make you feel whole, satisfied, or overjoyed to develop routine in?

• What do you desire?

Once this stage has passed and your move is clear, an action must follow as the next component. The third.

This is where equilibrium begins to shift and dismantling must happen in order to progress; ‘destroy and build,’ I’ve heard it phrased. Demolishing a way of thinking, a habit, routine, or lifestyle pattern in order to make room for something different could throws one’s entire life out of order for a period of time. This can feel overwhelming, or unsettling and here is where the importance of mindset comes into crucial play and a love for the continued presence of chaos must take shape. Focus on what you are gaining from the change, not what you are losing.

Remember why you began. Remain fully engaged with your deserving of richness in every single component of your life and remember that you are strong enough to welcome the destruction that comes while evoking a little re-order. Pay mind to the big-picture and to the long term aftermath of undergoing discomfort. Delay the gratification with trust. Adjustments are not always smooth transitions. Waters become murky, our speech will stutter and we will move against the current to head in a new direction; push harder than the current. The people we see everyday may differ. The route we have mastered will veer opposite. Our cognitive functions will kick into high gear as we learn, grow and evolve to our new surroundings - and this is miraculous.

Adaption, is a beautiful capability of humans and the final, the fourth component of change - not always the easiest but one worth struggling for. Become comfortable with the new. Ease into it. Value it’s presence. Respect what has occurred, to get here.

Recognize. Decide. Act. Adapt.

Cheers, 2018

I’ve never been an advocate for New Year’s resolutions. I find the trendy notion of a “New Year, New Me” merely a gimmick and quite frankly, a gourmet dish nourishing the procrastination of beneficial behavioral modifications until the subscription and membership induced tradition deems it the ‘right time’ for such changes. The intention behind the actions agrees with me however, as I resonate deeply with purposeful improvement. It’s the imposed start and stop timeline that is something I hope most do not fully adhere to but rather see the crucial nature of reflection during all moments of our lives.

Appeared cynicism aside, I have always been in an eternal state of speculation; avidly analyzing the details of events or actions while determining what has worked well and/or not so well in order to propel a more substantial outcome for similar circumstances in the future. I drink the self help cool-aid, find myself indubitably drawn to understanding habit formation/cessation and often dive into the pools of recorded social experiments that evaluate human behavior to better enhance ones capabilities in various facets of life. Searching for reasoning amidst murky water brings me great joy and I find comfort turning attention to the Universal stars to uncover teachings that require sifting through. With that said, I have compiled a few monumental learning’s and realizations that have come to my attention from a multitude of experiences and through a plethora of sources. What I have accumulated below has been pulled from my head, my heart and read from scribbled on napkins I have hoarded over the length of 2018. I feel these reminders to be worthy of staying in my own pockets for the months to come and I hope they provoke a little something for you as well. Although I strive to remain aware of these aha moments during a continuous thread of time, I do understand how satisfyingly organized gathering bits of wisdom in list formation feels, so, here’s to paying homage to the past with a respectful solute to yet another fresh start. What I have learned this year is detailed but not limited to the following (in no particular order of importance, I might add.)

Get in the car and go.  (Unless it’s the Winter … then warm it up first & then go.)

You must be in love with the work.  

The truth is never the wrong move.  

Answer the phone.  That’s right, Millennial’s. I said it.

Be mindful of energy expenditure; use it well, use it wisely, preserve it when necessary & form habits that increase it.  

Running will only make the problem bigger, as will ignoring it.  

More is not always the answer. 

Splurge on what separates you from the ground; invest in & care well for your mattress and shoes.  

Opinions will grow as you do; understand your own but remain open to opposing views.   

If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it; spend less than you make, save more than you spend & manage your money to work for you. Figure out what this means and learn about it.

People matter; prioritize people.  

Fear must not be confused with danger as fear, merely exists within the mind.  

Mothers & Fathers are individuals. Be patient when they slip.  

Sometimes, waiting is best. Sometimes, waiting is not best. 

Your passion is there… uncover it, pursue it, become it.

Allow nothing to stop you from achieving exactly what you want.

If you don’t mean it, don’t say it.

If you believe in it, fight for it.  

Protect your peace.  

Let it go.

Listen.  

Life is in a constant state of motion. Find time between the chaos to remember why you are here and who you are here for. Take a step back and regain a vision for the big picture. Practice patience. Respect down-time. Stay centered.

When It's Time For Change

An intricately wound soul, I am, with a magnetic attraction towards those alike. I tend to wander near individuals who encourage the flow of my creative energy as wholeheartedly as they harvest their own. I enjoy surrounding myself with whimsical characters, abstract thinkers and with those who are unafraid of creating their own rules. I connect with outspoken and often vulgarly colorful languages that decorate stories with emotion and emphasis. 

The magic that is constantly brewing in result of the accompaniment of such charismatic and vivacious people is a catalyst towards understanding, towards pondering and towards deciphering every detail of life. People who live with Artistic energy seeping out of their existence leave no stone un-turned. There is meaning behind movement. There is purpose in the sounds we hear. There is reason behind the unfolding of certain events and it is our mere natural state of being to saturate ourselves with an utter need to listen, recognize and trust. 

Following a path of radical authenticity is a survival instinct and for this I mean the opposite feels quite comparable to succumbing to a premature death of the body and Soul. A close connection of mine, a Woman who vibrates high on a positive frequency and walks with one of the richest Spirit’s I have encountered has told me that in life, I must listen to the chains. They will tell you when it’s time to move, time for change, time to realize when our actions and behaviors stray from our authenticity. The chains will shake you, trip you, nudge you from behind, lift your hair to stand on edge and whisper in your ear all with intentions of redirecting our stride. If we listen closely... if we pay mindful awareness to our inner workings and the details around us... the presence of Universal energy will be palpable and it is our time to pivot. 

 It is time for change... 

Passion, Talent, Business

Awoke to an anxiety ridden internal monologue of why, how, where & when; questions and quarrels commonly frequented by a mind endlessly searching for explanations to certain details of the past, present and future  

I knelt and aimlessly rummaged through physical belongings that were scattered among the tattered maroon carpet beneath of me, unaware of what exactly I was looking for but wholly conscious of the need to flip my brain cells inside out in some radical movement evoking a change, as I was expressing through the tangible motion of feverishly rearranging my items.

Somewhere in between folds of fabric was an energy shift just to get out... to feel the Earth. This was the resolution I settled towards.

After a few wrong turns, I ended up in a sea of trees unfamiliar to my routine of using nature as a catalyst for internal grounding; today’s trek began.

As I stumbled between indecision of which pebbled dirt path to wind down first - I took notice of my habitual thought pattern of stern control over my choosing, with intention of making the correct decision as not to waste time. I instantly deemed this quite irrelevant to the motive of my current situation and made a mental pivot to simply remove the grip of my perfectionist side and go, freeing the ignition of my muscles natural instincts to do their thing uninhibited. 

What resulted from this release, was the exact experience I sought after... 

The World feels stable as I walk. The air swings thinly through the front-lined army of trees, giving life to the now dancing dangles of leaves and as I meander - I turn applause to respect their performance.

The abundance of raw ground beneath of me feels damp, soggy and graciously supportive as it receives my not-so-graceful steps over the uneven terrain while I, in return, feel an overwhelmingly unified connection to its willingness to carry my journey.

Sitting now, remembering to consciously ingest full bodies of air from the depths of my abdomen, my frazzled morning mental state has regained zestful understanding of the big picture; to feel, engage and direct our visions towards light, towards oneness, towards letting it be.

We are as aligned as the strings of bladed grass, as illuminated as the rays breaking the hollowed shadows and as purposefully directed as each road we encounter.

Relax.

Find peace; harvest it to flourish over your being - right here and right now. Let go of control. 

Nature & Serenity

Awoke to an anxiety ridden internal monologue of why, how, where & when; questions and quarrels commonly frequented by a mind endlessly searching for explanations to certain details of the past, present and future  

I knelt and aimlessly rummaged through physical belongings that were scattered among the tattered maroon carpet beneath of me, unaware of what exactly I was looking for but wholly conscious of the need to flip my brain cells inside out in some radical movement evoking a change, as I was expressing through the tangible motion of feverishly rearranging my items.

Somewhere in between folds of fabric was an energy shift just to get out... to feel the Earth. This was the resolution I settled towards.

After a few wrong turns, I ended up in a sea of trees unfamiliar to my routine of using nature as a catalyst for internal grounding; today’s trek began.

As I stumbled between indecision of which pebbled dirt path to wind down first - I took notice of my habitual thought pattern of stern control over my choosing, with intention of making the correct decision as not to waste time. I instantly deemed this quite irrelevant to the motive of my current situation and made a mental pivot to simply remove the grip of my perfectionistic side and go, freeing the ignition of my muscles natural instincts to do their thing uninhibited. 

What resulted from this release, was the exact experience I sought after... 

The World feels stable as I walk. The air swings thinly through the front-lined army of trees, giving life to the now dancing dangles of leaves and as I meander - I turn applause to respect their performance.

The abundance of raw ground beneath of me feels damp, soggy and graciously supportive as it receives my not-so-graceful steps over the uneven terrain while I, in return, feel an overwhelmingly unified connection to its willingness to carry my journey.

Sitting now, remembering to consciously ingest full bodies of air from the depths of my abdomen, my frazzled morning mental state has regained zestful understanding of the big picture; to feel, engage and direct our visions towards light, towards oneness, towards letting it be.

We are as aligned as the strings of bladed grass, as illuminated as the rays breaking the hollowed shadows and as purposefully directed as each road we encounter.

Relax.

Find peace; harvest it to flourish over your being - right here and right now. Let go of control. 

Dim Rooms & Deep Thoughts, A Few June's Ago

Sitting on a bed of sheets, I’m melting into Bon Iver’s 22, a Million feeling belly-warmed and soothingly heavy by fermented means of pre-5 o’clock cheap red Vino. My internal temperature begins to represent the external consequence of a fair skinned rebel; moderately but *sigh* alas enjoyably sunburnt skin. I touch my peach tinted arm and it feels hot to my fingers, letting go quickly to see the colors change rapidly like one of those old 90’s mood rings I predicted my future upon. The hair stands a light white blonde contrasting the warm tint and I ingest the satisfaction of varying textures featured on a human supporting my unalterable belief that we, are works of art.

Time is not a worrisome concept today, a rarity in itself and the seconds are gathered between the freckles I’m aligning with dotted trails of small nail prints. The sensation of consistent barely there stimulation allows for a deeper sink into the melodies. While examining my body’s map and broadening the awareness of my physicality, my fingers slip from the imprinted glass sourcing my serenity and a sip of red wine seeps from my parted lips; making its way over the hill of my chin and down the middle of my neck. I’m not bothered by this. It actually feels quite romantic.

The room is dim as it simultaneously calms and awakens my thought processes. My surrounding visibility becomes more clear and my senses are now fully peaked. A crisp pocket of air passes over the surface of my skin through the open vessel of a window accompanying my left side and I immediately shed gratitude for the brilliance of this feeling, cooling the incubated environment.

I think to myself,

“Am I still here? Have I slipped into an alternative state of consciousness?”

I suppose, by means of conceptual subjectivity, this question falls victim near the others accumulating on an eternally expanding yet probably unanswerable list but its wonderment longs with me.

I am now coasting between the spaces of fresh air and my own breath breath; both of which are further intoxicating the life seeping from my opened lips.

For right now, that’s enough for me.